1. |
Sleeping In
03:38
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Waking up, Something's very strange
Out of body, Nothing's quite the same
Feels like waking up from a lucid dream
Can't remember when I fell asleep
Maybe I'm just paranoid
Maybe the world's being destroyed
I've slept the entire morning
Now I can't trip the silent warning
Boiling in the pot
Denial is all we've got
temperature is rising
But fear is paralyzing
staying in bed
believing the lies we're fed
Excuses wearing thin
But I guess we're sleeping in
decades seem to have been one long all-nighter
Drawing the shades as the day got brighter
Waking up late, now there's no more time
To fix all the things laying on the line
Realizing error, I'm so ashamed
I'm not alone; we're all to blame
Many think that someone will save us
But I know we will never wake up
Is it too late to erase my deeds?
Or make up for years of apathy?
Will it be with a whimper that we’ll die?
No one seemed to care but neither did I
Fighting over faith while destroying the earth
We’ll never know just what our planet’s worth
Making up for years of lost time
Is this how we’ll end our lives?
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2. |
Magic
03:39
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Wide eyed and innocent
I don’t yet know the game
Instinctual and persistent
Suddenly impervious to pain
My frozen breath is in the air
A rush of warmth as I open the door
Searching the crowd, I see her there
I’ll never forget the dress she wore
Suddenly the tempo slows
She rests her head on mine
For a few minutes the world froze
As I lose all concept of time
There are so few chances
I hope it’s not too late
For a few more moonlit dances
So long since I felt that way
I don’t even remember when
The ratio may seem tragic
But I’d do it all again
For the same few minutes of magic
Credits and courses put life on hold
It’s all just a sea of faces
Dead of winter and a heart of gold
In the most unlikely of places
A few more weeks, she’ll move away
But my heart’s now taking over
Realizing the inevitable day
The night now feels a whole lot colder
Fighting to protect myself from heartbreak
While standing under the porch light
And for a few minutes everything falls away
As I finally give up the fight
This isn't like when I was young
Looks like the flame is dying
I feel the words on the tip of her tongue
The war is lost but I keep on trying
crash is too much to handle
Dig in my heels or run away?
One last time I'll light a candle
And live or die with the flame
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3. |
Recursion
04:52
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It’s four a.m.
In between now and then
No one nearby
Seems to know just why
I’m always awake
And starting to break
Just an empty shell
And only time will tell
When every hour of every day
Seems endless and it’s all the same
Digging deeper to find some purpose
Each new avenue ends up worthless
Some find comfort in love or faith
But I don’t believe that I can be saved
Every day now chasing the feeling
Of when my time here had some meaning
I went too far and fell
Leaning over the wishing well
I am thinking too much
And not doing enough
Looking for something, as long as it’s true
I’ll keep searching if I have to
Maybe the question is a solution
There’s no comfort in this resolution
The answer is elusive
Frustrated and reclusive
If I’m dying to know why
Am I living for each new try?
I’m not sure if I can proceed
Sitting on top of Maslow’s Needs
Wishing the pyramid was taller
Suddenly feels a whole lot smaller
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4. |
Miniboss
03:25
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Fighting to be recognized for achievement
You don’t know the end game is bereavement
You’re above the henchmen but you’re not in charge
a fish in a pond but you’re not that large
ignore you to your face, and laugh behind your back
convince yourself that you’re still on the right track
Put in long hours, loyal to the cause
All you’ll ever be is a miniboss
You’re trying to care, but you’re not even there
Sleepless nights, cuz its just not right
You’re the miniboss, you don’t wanna be the miniboss
Fighting for respect in the establishment
No one recognizes middle management
We’re a society of dungeon drones
Never find identities of our own
Hours spent staring off into space
Wondering if there’s a way to win the race
You've gotten halfway up a ladder
But it’s not really ever going to matter
No one ever thinks they've become the man
When you think you can’t die, you can
Many lives but you've got no soul
sad truth is you’re not the hero
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5. |
Carnival
03:48
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What is it that drives us
To face our fears and rise up
Some stay on the ground
And some never come down
It’s a ride, it’s a game
Sometimes it’s all the same
On the surface or in the air
Come around and I’ll be there
As I approach the top
I’ll enjoy the view I've got
And when I’m coming down
I’ll feel safer on the ground
The best of us take flight
Or feel their choice is right
But I’m stuck on a wheel
And I never know how I feel
Excited as I’m rising
But fear is paralyzing
I’m scared but I don’t show it
Earth is claustrophobic
Every now and then
I come around again
I dream of giving in
But I’ll take another spin
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6. |
Doubter's Anthem
02:59
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An endless stream of contradictions
From violent acts to contraception
Forgiveness shown with retaliation
Born as you are but denied salvation
The word of god written by mankind
Cherry picked and poorly defined
My god is logic, ears and eyes
No invisible man in the sky
Love him yet – we can spill blood
Lest we forget – he’ll kill us all in a flood
Tell Abraham to kill his son
Nevermind just having fun
Made us in his image but cant be gay
owning slaves is a-ok
According to hey-soos there’s only one way in
But what about those who never heard of him?
Matthew says be afraid of god above
then he says there’s no fear in love
was it us – that he did create?
Or was it him – that we made?
Show me why you reject all the other open doors
And then you’ll see why it is that I reject yours
Scary to think the world’s really just in our hands
But it’s better than such a cruel and faceless man
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7. |
Softly To Sleep
04:20
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I can’t seem to avoid asking why
But I think I’m ready to give it a try
Obsessed with the past, but I’d like to know
What it’s like to finally let go
They always say look before you leap
I’m looking at you while drifting softly to sleep
Scared and confused, but don’t leave me behind
There’s always something more to find
Whimsical and warm; impulsive and true…
I figure you out, but then find something new
I’m not sure if I’m what you need
But I know that I’d like to be
Better together, but I could be wrong
don’t want to hold you back, just want to come along
I’ve been on my own most of my life
I know I appear guarded and shy
It’s cloudy and cold, fear of what we’ll become
But the rain’s letting up, and you might be the sun
When we hold hands after so many years
It still calms me down and eases my fears
I’ve made mistakes, but don’t want to start new
I’m happy with my life, so long as it’s with you
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8. |
The Hearts Of Men
03:34
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There’s no way to explain
the madness of desire
causing this much pain
through the waves of fire
a mother and her daughters
faded into smoke
not as lucky, father
lives now without hope
Your entire life is now a single night
Memories shattered, and nothing matters
Pride and purpose, words are worthless
meaning dies, but you’re still alive
Sleepwalk through days and nothing to say
Try and fail again and again
to understand the hearts of men
is it the environment or genetics
that cause such troubled minds
now manic and frenetic
a correctional waste of time
when fate bears down like a train
that's come right off the track
trying to stop it, there's nothing to gain
and you'll never be going back
memories of what it was like back then
dreams of angels holding loved ones high
each day destroys you all over again
waking to silence always makes you cry
when you realize the irony
that you might be able to make it through
if only you had any of your family
but they're gone, and so are you
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9. |
Princeton
05:32
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Answering the phone is Russian roulette
You just don't know you're playing
When it rings you'll never forget
Some outraged, others praying
When the light goes out you need time
For your eyes to adjust
We slowly regain our sight
But never really get back our trust
And somebody said it's such a nice town
On any other day
Marching through the icy wind, heads down
Nothing much to say
So many things now we'll never know
From a softly spoken voice
Some will judge, but time will show
They can't understand the choice
Fresh snow crunching under shoes
But now that sound is broken
What it feels like to have nothing to lose
Will forever be left unspoken
When a family gives up love for rules
What chance do any of us stand?
to live and survive in a place so cruel
so much to ask of any man
Shine, shine on
Whether here or gone
You'll live forever because energy never dies
but your body's no longer alive
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10. |
Boomer
03:16
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Equal rights and harmony
Peace and generosity
No such thing as enemies
Exposing corporate felonies
Ideals that you used to hold
Lost in a war of cold
Your generation was brave
But now it’s just sad and afraid
I can’t help but wonder
If there’s still a ghost of when you were younger
You give up freedom to feel safe
Then complain in the bed you made
Never take responsibility
Living in gated communities
Give advice as you confess
Just die quietly while we clean up your mess
thin white lines on a mirror
You thought it helped you see clearer
Now you’re blowing the truth
While forgetting your youth
Preemptive safety for what is in store
Missing irony as you went to war
now aerial battles are taking place
As helicopter parents raising slaves
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11. |
Big Kids
03:48
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I Want to be big
Want to be a grown up
Don’t wanna be a kid
Wanna be old enough
When I grow up fully
And have my own home
Big kids and bullies
Will leave me alone
But for now
I’ll stay out of the way
keep my head down
and dream of the day
I hope there’s a time
In adulthood
Where everyone’s fine
treated like they should
I can hardly wait
But the thing is
Maybe it’s great
Just to be a big kid
Now I’m a self-starter
Car, home and career
The bullies are smarter
But they’re still here
I’m always on the run
from here to there
Accomplishments come
But now no one cares
I do what I want
But mostly on my own
Acting nonchalant
Adults are so alone
I thought there was a time
In adulthood
Where everyone’s fine
treated like they should
I’ll still wait
But the thing is
It was great
to be a big kid
a reverend preaching
but he’s ashamed
a woman teaching
but they’re underage
a mom of three
out fooling around
the watercooler seems
to be the playground
I think there’s a time
In adulthood
When we realize
We’ve done all we could
Grown ups aren’t around
and the thing is
Its pretty clear now
We’re all just big kids
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12. |
Nightlight
04:40
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I wonder what it’s like
To have a terminal illness
The weight of a timeline
To give your life some purpose
Synapses in your brain
Betray your head-on style
Everything is a game
To make life seem worthwhile
we live in the dark, we live in the dark (let me be your nightlight)
we live in the dark, we live in the dark (let me be your nightlight)
we live in the dark, we live in the dark (let me be your nightlight)
we live in the dark, we live in the dark (let me be your nightlight)
People will give you reasons
That you never even asked for
the darkest thought is treason
but you’re the only one at war
When you’re falling in too deep
and sentences end in question marks
If you go where light can’t reach
Remember some of us live in the dark
It’s cold and quiet here at night
One thought always gets me through
I’ll live in the dark if there’s no more light
Simply because I choose to
I’d live through years of hell
And never wish for death
I’ll keep secrets and never tell
If you’d only take away my breath
Tiny moments in our short time
Mysteries solved or maybe a first kiss
There’s always hope we might find
Something we wouldn’t want to miss
If the cold runs through your bones
Things may still turn out alright
Even in the dark, you’re not alone
Let me be your nightlight
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13. |
Love You More
04:06
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watching documentaries
Safe under the covers
we’re on a trajectory
To be star crossed lovers
I’m not normal but
You don’t seem to mind
I wonder what’s in store for us
What magic will I find?
I say three words, you ask me to stay
I wonder what’d you do that for?
Hearts beat together when you say
That you love me more
Reaching for your hand
You reach for the remote
silence that I cant stand
we are the inside joke
Safe and sound is all we are
Like sitcoms that replay
but we’ve come this far
Maybe we all get this way
You say three words, but then look away
I wonder what’d you do that for?
There’s a lot on your mind today
As you hear me say I love you more
Ignoring the truth is no easy feat
Just friends in the same old bed
We swore once that we were complete
Cant hold you to what you said
The truth rose up to your lips
The cloud finally burst into rain
I can’t remember our last kiss
It’s drowning in disdain
Tears are streaming down your face
My heart is completely torn
Nothing much else I can say
Now I know I love you more
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14. |
Outskirts
05:17
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high above reality
glimmering with audacity
structures stand proud and tall
satellite broadcasts it all
functional metropolis
but not for all of us
towers above the ground
are not the heart of this town
when did her eyes get that dark
as she looks at her track mark
she’s out on the porch all night
embers are her only light
looking in her stolen future
cigarette’s her only suture
she was once a little girl
now stuck here in the underworld
celebrities and shopping malls
will pass the time, keep your thinking small
simple minds in complex times
disenfranchised from all the lies
we're everywhere, fell off the grid
had bright futures when we were kids
took a wrong turn, fell through the cracks
remainders of an equation hack
3am the world’s asleep
but some of us are earning their keep
unloading palettes, stocking shelves
freezing out but it feels like hell
it's not ideal, but it could be worse
better than waiting for the first
pick up the pace and soldier on
at break time he'll stand with folded arms
the only hope is to do for yourself
the things to which no one else can help
it's easy to give up and to blame
but only so long can you play that game
walking slumped with your head down
in the end we all live in that town
failure’s ok so long as you’re trying
they only sell apathy if you’re buying
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15. |
Sara Tone
05:54
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Sara Tone in my head
She's running away again
And I'm chasing after
The sound of laughter
We used to have it good
But I never understood
She was lighting a fire
Burning up a funeral pyre
Behaviors with no reason
Come and go with the season
And I'm so afraid
That she'll never explain
Why our connection is gone
And I can't hold on
Sara Tone in my head
But we're hanging by a thread
If she won't try
Then why should I?
Pills may heal things
At the cost of feeling
All the words unspoken
Is it better to be dead or broken?
Without Sara Tone in my mind
Is only a matter of time
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Ben Erling Fairfield, Connecticut
Unimpressive musician. above average Street Fighter gamer. connoisseur of candles. If you have a passion for mediocre music, you've come to the right place. Artists that I've drawn the largest influence from include Blink182, Ben Folds Five, New Found Glory, NOfX, and AFI. I often write about the darker parts of our nature, but also the bright moments that define us. ... more
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